Greetings! Me wants to buy your wine

06 April, 2007

Hi! I am David Daniel, The Managing Director of Lantex Wineries Company in Accrington, UK. Have you recently received an e-mail with this oh-so-convincing greeting? We're correcting some of the punctuation for you and what follows is actually the cleaned-up version. "I just got a new Wineries in Oxford UK and we're looking for a wineries company that can supply ours all kinds of Wines including, Mexican Wine, US Wine and the UK Wine," the message continues.

"For the first transaction we're going to make the purchased of 10 cases at least, of any of the wines you stock and regarding the shipping, I have a company that takes care of the pickup of my consignments and ship to the destination Worldwide, So you do not worry about shipping. Kindly check your store and get back to me with the Kind, Type, Brand of Wine you stock in higher Qty."

It has prompted a trade alert by the Wine Institute of California but staff admit they find the letter a little hilarious. "You'd think that at least they'd try and get their English a bit better before trying to get money out of people!" they chortle. The same could be said of certain trade magazines too. Miaow!

Anything but a drinks shop

"The last thing the police and tenants want is another off-licence," councillor Pat O'Brien of East Lothian has declared in response to an application for a new drinks retailer in his neck of the woods. For all we know there may be solid reasons why he's so opposed, but if an off-licence really is "the last thing" people want, the mind boggles at what they would deem preferable. A brothel? A nuclear waste processing plant? A holiday home for Jade Goody? A box of scorpions? A training facility for Al Qaeda? It seems our noble trade's reputation may be hitting new lows.

White (and pink) mischief

Ever wondered what MoŽt's Grand Vintage 2000 tastes like? According to the publicity, it's a "distinguished, spirited and mischievous Champagne" with an "initial power" that is "forthright, imposing, raw yet in no way brutal", aimed a t "enlightened enthusiasts who seek sensations of complexity and precision ". The rosť meanwhile is a "wonderful combination of serenity and generosity" that "draws you into a dance of aromas and flavours" with a nose that develops "as if moving from summer to autumn". The rich texture is "voluptuous as a warm fabric (cashmere)". Not like that old quilt in the dog's basket, then.

Blogger blags Thresher publicity

The blogging community welcomed the latest Thresher 40 per cent discount voucher with a somewhat more subdued reaction than was the case the first time around. The penny finally dropped, among all but the most wide-eyed geeks, that the voucher was part of a genuine marketing plan and not some almighty cock-up that threatened to put Thresher out of business while the cackling hordes filled their boots. The voucher was circulated by dozens of bloggers, never more audaciously than by Hugh McLeod of The Gaping Void, a paid-up publicist for Stormhoek, who crafted a lovely version giving the Orbital brand star billing.

It's a tough life in the vineyard

There are horses to lean on and fags to smoke while the ladies load tonnes of grapes into the cart. Our picture depicts the rustic way of life at the Odfjell vineyard in Chile's Maipo Valley, where they make some very nice single varietal reds despite some unusual assertions by winemaker Arnaud Hereu. "I don't think having hillside slopes is a positive aspect," he declares. "On the contrary," he explains, "I think it is a negative aspect." Take that, Mosel and Douro losers!

Prince Charles

"I left you in charge for half an hour and when I left this whisky was definitely brown. What the hell is going on?" Iain Henderson, general manager of St George's Distillery in Norfolk, spends some quality time with Prince Charles, who recently opened the premises. Iain, who spent 14 years with Laphroaig, plans to retire once the distillery is up and running and chairman James Nelstrop is recruiting a new distillery manager. HRH is clutching his CV behind his back.

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