Q Which critic has the most influence on wine sales today?
A None of them.
Jilly and Oz on Food & Drink
had the power to influence sales, but since that programme was axed nobody has come close.
A Henry Jolly. I doubt you've heard of him - because he doesn't exist. All the tasting notes we put on our shelves are attributed to this fictional critic.
regulars are in on the joke - the others never query the name,
assuming he's some big shot in the wine media!
CH, northern England
Q Are wine stoppers a complete waste of time? If so, shall I stop selling them?
A Yes. Yes.
A They do little to preserve the wine, but they at least keep fruit flies and other foreign bodies out. They also
attract a decent mark-up.
Julie, East Sussex
Q Playing back the footage on my state-of-the-art CCTV system I notice that a young lady has flashed her breasts to the camera. Anyone else got weird incidents on film?
A I captured a n incident in which a boy who was refused service for clearly being under-age politely said goodbye and left the shop without swearing, grabbing some crisps or kicking over a floor stack.
can I persuade my poxy clientele that fino sherry is gorgeous and fortified British wine disgusting, and not vice versa?
Clive, West Yorks
Q My website has had 103 hits in three months. I set the counter at 100 when I launched it. I am responsible for two of these hits and I have no idea who the third person is. Anyone got a less popular website?
QWhy not beer over ice?